


Hear Me Out

by alphaofallcats



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deaf Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Disability, Disabled Character, Established Levi/Eren Yeager, Flashbacks, Gen, Hallucinations, Head Injury, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I really want to explore how Levi interacts with the squad, I say fuck it during the Return to Shiganshina Arc, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paranoia, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tinnitus, the serum bowl doesn't happen, this makes it sound super depressing but I promise there will be fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14577654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphaofallcats/pseuds/alphaofallcats
Summary: In retrospect, standing on top of a warehouse full of explosives was a bad idea.**If you asked Armin, he'd say it was a fuckinghorrendousidea.





	Hear Me Out

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said in the tags, this is my excuse to write about the interactions between Levi and the 104th gang. I feel like this fandom needs more platonic fluff between him and the kids. Also, some pre-established Eren/Levi doesn't hurt.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi makes tea and catches up with Sasha. Later, he makes some bad decisions.

It took a while before Levi decided on a spot to make camp. He worried, silently, always did, about his squad. He needed to find somewhere safe, warm, where they could sleep easily. They weren’t children, not by a long shot — Arlert just turned eighteen — but in his mind they were still kids. His kids. He needed to make them happy because they deserved to be and he needed to keep them safe because he couldn’t lose any more comrades.

The kids never acknowledged it, except on those rare nights that they were sleep deprived, or drunk, or both. But, they appreciated the fact that someone outside their tight-knit group cared to such degrees. 

(And as the years went on, they were more inclined to agree that Levi had unknowingly wormed his way into their circle, had become one of them. And they were more than okay with it because even when he acted like they were nuisances he was only _pretending_ , and they all believed that their Captain deserved to be happy too.) 

As the last of the 104th graduates still in the Scouts, they knew they needed each other, and they knew Levi needed them just as fiercely. Especially on nights spent close to the edge of Wall Maria, when the past was too close to creeping back in and Levi felt the only thing standing between the kids and imminent doom was himself.

Currently, imminent doom was the flurry of snowflakes dusting the landscape. The few inches of snow packed into the ground slowed their horses, while the cold wind flushed their cheeks and numbed their fingers around the leather reins. Frost was lingering, ready to claw into their skin and seep ice into their blood.

When Eren shivered, one sharp twitch of his shoulders that Levi could see tumble down his spine from the corner of his eyes, he slowed to a stop near an outcropping of trees.

Large pines towered over them, blanketing the area in darkness. A warehouse not far off stood tall, but undisturbed, looming eerily. Collectively, they vetoed against camping in the building; it wasn’t close enough to the woods to promise a quick escape to the treetops if anything _bad_ happened, as it often did. They’d be trapped in the warehouse or vulnerable in the open stretch of field between the building and the forest, and while no kidnappings or spontaneous wall breaks happened recently, Levi was still cautious. 

Again, imminent doom.

However, something uncoiled and knotted inside Levi’s chest simultaneously when Jean suggested— no, _stated_ , that the warehouse would make a good spot to keep watch, the roof providing a decent vantage point of the surrounding area. 

It was a hint of pride, Levi realized, that Jean was turning out to be a good squad leader. But the tight weight that fell into his stomach with a jarring thud felt like he had swallowed a heavy bag of gritty gravel, knocking the air from his lungs. He blinked hard to fight back the dizziness that was trying to throw him off balance. They were growing _up_ and he was getting _older_ , and the thought of them moving forward without him, while he stayed stagnant and frozen in place, his body catching up to his age, a deep sore and ache always lingering (that Eren didn’t help, _at all_ , always eager to try new and ridiculous intimate positions), made a burst of longing and panic wrap tightly around his throat and it was difficult to breathe. But then Jean looked at him, a serious gaze locking them both together for a moment. 

“Is that alright, Captain?”

All eyes fell onto Levi, and he noticed a brief moment of doubt crossed through Jean’s eyes, but it was gone before it could settle, and Levi could only tilt his head in a slight nod of approval. 

When Jean blinked back, eyes softening with something close to happiness, Levi’s lungs forced out a breath on their own. With the next inhale of oxygen the knot loosened, tiny spindles untangling, traveling from the bottom of his stomach to his heart, stabbing through him with a rush of relief. 

“Yes,” he said, but he wasn’t sure if it was to give the group further affirmation, or to remind himself.

Yes, they still needed him.

\----

The snow was up to Sasha’s shins when she walked carefully to the warehouse to take the first shift on watch.

The rest of the group settled down at the tree line. They tied their horses up, then began assembling their tents while Connie got a fire going. Levi unpacked his gear in silence, finding the items he smuggled into his travel pack for their short expedition. He unwrapped a small travel teapot from where he tucked it in his spare shirt, filled it with the water from his extra canteen, then untied a cloth pouch of teas leaves. Once Connie was done, he carefully lined up the small tin cups he had hidden in a large sock and set the pot over the fire, waiting for the water to boil.

Eren knocked his shoulder in passing, a pleased grin on his face.

“Carrying unsanctioned gear during a field mission? I believe that’s deserving of a dress down, sir.”

“And who, exactly, would you report this information to?”

“No one said I’d have to tell a high ranking officer,” Eren said, the lilt in his voice warming the frozen ache in Levi’s chest that had numbed him when the flurries of snow began falling heavier. Eren grabbed his bedroll and whispered, “I’m sure I could dress you down just fine.”

The puff of his breath hid the blooming pink in his cheeks. “I’m sure you’d enjoy that, you cheeky shit.”

They all sat close around the fire, eating their rations in silence, too cold to waste energy with mindless chatter. Eren nearly had tucked Levi into his side to keep him warm, Mikasa leaning against his other, and across from them, Armin was sitting in between Jean’s legs, Connie’s shoulders brushing Jean’s when they shifted.

Levi finished half of his ration before he made another cup of tea. He tucked the leftover food back in its wrapping and waved it in front of Eren’s face, making sure the boy watched him put it in the pocket of his knapsack. A tired smile pressed its way across Eren’s face and his eyes dazzled in the light of the fire (and it made Levi’s chest squeeze because only Eren could look so gorgeous in this weather, even with his greasy hair and runny nose.) 

Even though Eren knew the answer, he swallowed around a mouthful and asked, “For Sasha?” because it wasn’t the first Levi had tucked away extras for her.

Levi nodded, then used the last of the cream he also had snuck into his bag to stir into the tea, and began the slow trudge to Sasha.

When he climbed up the winding stairs to the roof, she was huddled in her cloak, sitting near the edge, feet dangling in the air. The group looked small from where she sat, the fire a dim light in the darkness.

He sat next to her and passed along the tea.

“Be careful, it sloshes easily,” he said, watching to make sure it didn’t spill in her lap. “Not my best tea set,” he added, more like an apology than an explanation.

She took a sip and hummed anyway, leaning against him. He went ridge for a moment, then two, before relaxing.

Though they were older and what felt like lifetimes more mature than when they first joined his squad and had attempted cleaning that cottage three years ago, this seemed to regress with them, this handsy clinginess that reminded him of toddlers who whined to be held because they were too fussy to walk. 

_Touch-deprived_ , Hanji had called it one night when he had too much to drink and was loose-lipped enough to admit the damn brats started losing their sense of personal space and he didn’t damn mind it, really, so she could shove her nosy prying up her ass.

He still wasn’t used to it, especially when it came with no warning, and he still startled a bit. He wasn’t adverse to it though, even when it first started happening because by then he woke up most nights with Eren’s limbs tangled over, and under, and around him. And while Levi had learned how to reciprocate Eren’s touch (because that was different on levels he didn’t dare question too critically), he was still unsure of what to do with the others, besides let them lean on him, or put an awkward arm around their backs, or ruffle their hair.

( _You do realize you let them get away with it because you’re touch deprived too_ , Hanji had also said that night. 

He had only kicked her shin under the table, not hard though, it was more like a nudge, with a half-hearted, _Shove it_ , because she was right. No one had dared brush arms with him, let alone lean against him or tuck cold toes under his thighs — usually that happened when they were lounging in his office on rainy days, and Armin and Eren claimed the spots on the couch next him while they all passed around the paperwork he always procrastinated finishing — since Isabel and Farlan had... Well, since only them, really.)

Eventually, Levi cleared his throat. “I saved the other half of my ration. It’s in my pack, ask Eren for it.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

A quiet overlapped them as Sasha finished her tea. The last of the sun was sinking into the horizon, the golden light leaving darker shadows in its wake. Sasha swung her feet back and forth, occasionally knocking her ankle against Levi’s, and he couldn’t tell if it was to make sure they kept moving to keep their blood circulating or just out of a gentle, cheery, affection. Both, if he had to put money on it.

“I suppose I’ll ask,” he said, eyes not leaving the small silhouettes of the rest of their squad. “How was your date?”

He didn’t have to look to know her cheeks had darkened.

“With Connie?”

“Unless you’re seeing someone else, then yes, with Springer.”

“It was… nice.” Her voice was soft in a way he’d never heard before. He liked it. It reminded him of the way Farlan would sigh after Izzy went to bed, looking at the spot she had been previously taking up someway or another with adorning eyes, like he was soaking up the last of her presence before he had to settle down on the couch and sleep— not that it ever mattered, because Levi would wake up to find Izzy tucked into the blond’s chest anyway. 

“It didn’t feel much different than when we’re normally together,” she added when he didn’t respond.

“Good,” he nodded. “So he didn’t try anything unwanted?”

“What?” She turned to him quickly and he immediately gripped the waist of her harness to keep her from falling, her sudden movement scaring him with the fear that she would slide on some ice and end up falling to her death. Holding the strap would only ensure he went with her, but he wasn’t scared for himself. “What do you mean?”

He finally looked at her, confirming her cheeks were far too red to blame on the chill of the wind. “I asked him the same question, don’t get offended. You could have done something just as likely.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, thinking carefully before she said, “Nothing unwanted, just stuff we’ve done before.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Really?” Then he thought better of it and turned back to look the snow that was already filling in his tracks; it seemed the weather wasn’t letting up anytime soon. “Don’t explain. I don’t want to know what you little shits do when I’m not there to see.”

“I can wager it’s nothing you and Eren haven’t already done,” she said, way too pleased with herself. She was a brat, knowing she could get away with something so inappropriate and improper— they all did, really, but he was grateful that they never acted disrespectfully in front of people outside their squad. Gods only knew the teasing he would be subjected to from Hanji and Erwin. Though his former squad was definitely snickering at him from the beyond.

“Go on,” he said, nudging her with his thigh, hand finally letting go of her belt. “Go eat your rations. Tell everyone to get some fucking sleep.”

“Should I send Mikasa up for her shift?” she asked, sitting back so she could stand up a safe distance from the edge of the roof. Once she was stable and on her feet, his shoulders released tension he didn’t know he was carrying.

“No. Eren will probably make his way up here anyway.”

“Okie dokie, Captain.” She smiled and gave him a half-assed salute he should have reprimanded her for.

“I’m serious, Braus,” he called out, as she began walking to the stairs. “I want our asses to be in those saddles and ready to leave at sunrise.” They only had one more location to check on before they could journey back to headquarters, and he really wanted to fucking shower off the four days worth of sludgy snow and dirt.

Sasha waved in acknowledgment before yanking the hatch on the roof open and descending the stairs.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

They most certainly wouldn’t be ready to leave at sunrise.

\----

It was well _before_ sunrise when he heard the crunching of boots stepping into the icy snowbanks.

The rest of the squad definitely wasn’t awake; he hadn’t noticed any of them shuffling around either, not since Levi had sent Eren back to the camp hours ago, ordering him to be quiet and not wake the others. Levi knew he didn’t, because his silhouette just waved once it reached the dying fire-pit before crouching and ducking inside their shared tent. There was no point in Eren poking one of them awake to switch off if Levi was just going to lay there and stare at the inside of the tent anyway.

(“You could stare at me,” Eren had said, as snowflakes melted on their skin in between kisses.

Levi had rolled his eyes, but his voice betrayed him. “Don’t I stare at you enough already?”)

Carefully, Levi stood, blowing out the dwindling flame in the lantern Eren purposely forgot to take back with him. It was difficult to be quiet when patches of the roof were covered in ice, but he moved slowly to avoid landing flat on his ass. He crouched near the hatch in the floor that Eren must have forgotten to shut, holding his breath.

How did the person even get close? Surely, Levi would have noticed them moving in the snowy field. It wasn’t like him to not be alert, unless the person snuck over when he and Eren were making out and decided to wait a fucking _long_ time before moving.

The footsteps had stopped. Maybe he was hallucinating. He was freezing and tired and ready to go home, so it was possible (and a scary thought to admit to, more so because he didn’t have whatever-it-was that Hanji used to give him when his imagination teamed up with his insomnia. They played a cruel game that Levi really didn’t want to be a part of.) 

If the footsteps _were_ hallucinations, Levi knew climbing down the stairs to investigate would leave him exposed, especially since he wasn’t exactly sure where the person had stopped. He didn’t have to wonder for long though.

Apparently, with no qualms to hide, Levi saw the spark of a match strike open in the darkness below him. The silhouette of the person was cut off, their head obscured by the edge of the open hatch. He saw the flame wave across the air before pausing just in Levi’s line of sight as the end of a cigarette, held between teeth, started to glow orange. The match was whisked until the flame went out, and Levi was left staring at the darkness again.

“Levi,” a voice curled out on an exhale of smoke. He didn’t recognize it— the voice didn’t belong to one of the kids, though he had foolishly hoped it would. “We know you’re here. We know you’re listening.”

When he didn’t move or speak, the voice spoke again. “Make this easy on both of us. Come down from the roof.” He risked clenching his hand into a fist, but otherwise remained still.

It must have been the way the voice sounded, because it wasn’t angry or agitated, it was calm and nonchalant when it rang out, louder, “I don’t want to have to get those kids of yours involved.”

Part of him wanted to shift the extra inch to catch a glance at the person’s face, silently so he could remain hidden, because his eyes had finally adjusted to peering into the darkness inside the warehouse. He had half the mind to just stomp down there and figure out what pathetic fucker would even think about trying to threaten him like that. Damn right, those kids were his. 

And whether anyone was over there threatening them or not, they’d all fucking crawled out of the flames of hell and dusted the soot and ash off each other’s shoulders. They’d all fucking _lived_ and rationally Levi knew they would be fine. Arlert could easily outsmart anyone before they even had time to speak. Ackerman and Springer could knock people on their feet faster and harder than most people had the stamina for. Braus knew how to make bullets and arrows— anything, actually— hit her target with a calculated accuracy that people hardly ever some coming. Even Kirschtien and Eren turned their competitive bickering into competent teamwork, which showed in how they could communicate without even talking. 

But damn right, those kids were his, and an even bigger part of Levi, one that was still raw and unstable and haunted by past anxieties, won out. The cigarette smoke filtering through the warehouse reminded him too much of thick fog and the snow falling in chilly clumps reminded him too much of heavy rain.

He shifted an extra inch, trying to get a better view of the camp, but it was still too far away, so he shifted another inch. The distance made his stomach churn in a way he thought he’d never experience again. It had him lurching forward, clamoring onto the stairs, faltering slightly as his hands missed the railings.

In the back of his mind, he knew this was bad. In fact, bad couldn’t even begin to cover it, and he wasn’t good with words, especially with his head so murky, so he promised himself to ask Arlert what would be a better substitute later. 

Right now, the adrenaline was making his heart hammer painfully in his chest. Unbridled rage that he had swallowed back for years bled from him, and he blamed Erwin for not being there to tame it again. 

A disgusting growl ripped from his throat, his vision blurring as he clamored down the steps, the dagger he kept hidden in his boot already in his hand.

Something shifted, his eyes trying to focus so they could make out the movement in his peripheral. He couldn’t focus, too zeroed in on the man in front of him, but he did pause long enough for the man to take out another match from the box tucked inside his front pocket.

Once the flame was lit, Levi could make out his features. The man’s hair fell past his shoulders, pieces of dark, sloppy strands covering his face. His nose was curved, wide and long and ugly. The only other thing Levi could see was the bright light of the flame that was reflected off the man’s glasses. It made his eyes look vibrant, orange and red, and that was all it took. 

The man in front of Levi was no longer a man, it was a titan, the same titan that killed Isabel and Farlan. If he squinted hard enough, he could see Farlan’s torso and Izzy’s head on the floor at the man’s feet, their eyes lifeless, _dead_ , and accusing him because it was his fault. He left them alone, believing they could take care of themselves, that he didn’t need to be there to protect them from the titans outside the walls. Just like be left the kids alone at camp, believing they could take care of themselves, that he didn’t need to be there to protect them from imminent doom— from the monster in front of him. 

He nearly choked on the bile that suddenly shot up his throat, the emotions he kept pushing away for far too long making him shake, like a pipe that was rattling and rattling and rattling, pressure building and building and building until it broke. 

Levi screamed, which sounded like a mix between a roaring battle cry and a frustrated sob, rushing with his dagger ready to make a quick and clean strike. 

Pain bloomed on the side of his head as the butt end of a gun throttled against his skull. The noise from his throat cut short, breath squeeze out of his lungs, and he fell to the ground midstep. The shadow loomed over him, a huff of laughter that Levi could barely hear over the intense ringing in his ears. The blur of his vision seemed to take over all at once, making the world around him cloudy. 

Levi didn’t understand what the titan-man said to him when he squatted down, yanking on his hair roughly, more pain shooting down his body, leaving him immobile, as frozen as the ground outside. The man held the match close to his face, the sudden obtrusion of light making him flinch, recoiling away. He tried following the movement through, twisting to get out of the man’s grasp but it was futile. 

Blood was dripping from his temple, warm and thick. White, searing pain wracked his body. His head felt too heavy, its pounding thunderous, rivaling the ringing in his ears.

The titan-man stood, letting Levi’s head drop with a thud, and walked to the door of the warehouse. He paused before stepping outside. Through the blur, Levi could see the light of the match fall, he wasn’t sure where, but the titan-man left as flames immediately took, shooting up in a burst, sparks exploding, rocketing across the room.

More pain crept deep into him as he tried to move, a groan he couldn’t hear leaving him. Smoke filled his lungs on his next sharp inhale. Pointlessly, he remembered that he hadn’t coughed so violently since he was nine, when reached for a glass of water only to gag and choke as Kenny laughed and told him he needed to learn how to handle his vodka better.

Another pointless thought plagued him, and Levi stopped trying to move, submitting to keep still, if only to make some of the pain ease. He closed his eyes, the smoke making them burn and sting, and he chased the thought again to distract himself.

Sasha was the only person he knew, besides Moblit, that could handle alcohol as well as Kenny (if no one counted Eren’s titan-shifting powers that left him unaffected). Connie, on the other hand, was a lightweight, and after just one shot of vodka, Levi got to see him smashed out his fucking mind, but the night it happened all the kids were drunk. He also had been tipsy enough not to care. Especially when Eren had sleepily crawled up next to him, resting his head on his lap like a tired puppy. Naturally, Levi had carded fingers through his hair even though it was a little dirty and Eren hummed, the tips of his fingers absently tracing soothing patterns against his knee, making Levi hum in return. With cheeks rosy from his buzz, Armin had bounded over once Eren was asleep, drooling on his pants. He reached his hand out to comb through Eren’s hair too, and when their fingers brushed together Armin had just smiled fondly down at Eren, but Levi knew he was talking to him when he had said, _Thank you for taking care of him_. Then he had reached down, using his sleeve to clean the drool on his lap and smiled warmly at Levi when his brows scrunched at the action. _Don’t worry_ , Armin had assured him, _we’re here to take care of you too_.

The sudden pain that made pathetic and shameful tears drop off his cheeks wasn’t from the head wound he was slowly fading from, or the fires exploding around him, or the thick smoke he was inhaling. No, it was a different kind of pain, one that felt like a wolf had torn apart his skin to sink its claws deep into his heart, ripping it out with sharp teeth, devouring the bloody mess in front of him. It felt like a dark void filled the spot where his heart once was, empty and suffocating all at once.

He needed those damn kids. 

Not because he was afraid of dying, but because he needed someone to nod, to say, “yes,” to reassure him when he asked if they were alright.

Levi still fucking needed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this fic for a few months now, but besides the obvious, not much is actually planned, so I'll figure it out once that bridge needs to be crossed. And according to my small outline, the chapter wasn't supposed to stop here, but it got kind of lengthy so I cut it.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr! [I-Am-VeryBusy](https://i-am-verybusy.tumblr.com)


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